Blog post #17 Week of May 29th

Pages read as of May 29th: 94-124 pg

   Love is a very strong word that I feel is used way to freely. I honestly don't believe that Julia loves winston. I don't believe that Winston loves Julia. I think that they both just crave human interaction and sex. How can you love someone that you have barely said two words to. How can you love someone that hate and wanted to bash their skull in? Honestly I don't fully trust Julia I feel like there is something she is hiding. She may be a spy or something of that sort. It kinda bothered me that Winston went with her so willingly to the field.  I know that he never said that he loved her back but it just boggles my mind that she "loves" him. Like dude he's a complete stranger.
   At one point Julia asked winston what he thought of her before she gave him the note and he said "I hated the sight of you, he said. 'I wanted to rape you and then murder you afterwards. Two weeks ago I thought seriously of smashing your head in with cobblestone." Like what changed his mind? A simple note that wrote I love you. Wow. That quote actually made me sick. I don't understand Winston at all. I've come to the conclusion that Winston went with Julia for one reason and one reason only. That reason was sex.

Blog post #16 Week of May 11th

Pages read as of May 15th- 67-94

As I read this weeks portion of the book I tried to figure out why the old man could only remember useless things about the past but not the important things, the things that would answer questions about the past and determine the future. I thought maybe he blocked that part out of his memory because it was to traumatic to think about a time when he was "free".  I thought maybe he was trained and brain washed to forget the memories that would answer questions. But then I came to the conclusion that it was just old age. I've seen first hand what old age can do to you're memory. It can alter you're memories, it can make up memories that never even happened. So what if he can't remember all the important things because he is just old. My final conclusion was that he didn't want to remember the pain of his past but at the same time he was having trouble remembering a time when he was actually "free". Memory is an extremely important thing, once you loose that you have lost all of the lessons you have learned, all the pain you have endured, all the joy you have felt, and all of the love you received. After you have lost you're memory what do you have left to live for?

Blog Post # 15 The Week of May 4th (may the 4th be with you)

Pages read as of May 7th- 29-67

I would like to think that I much like Winston think and rebel against the general public's ideas and beliefs. But I feel like in reality my thoughts aren't actually that original form everyone else. I mean yes I question things that are happening around me but doesn't everyone question something? That's just basic human nature. As I read this chunk 1984 I wondered if Winston was the only one that questions the party and Big Brother. I wondered If he was the only one that didn't agree with the way the world is. If questioning you're surroundings is basic human nature then why isn't anyone else around Winston questioning Big Brother and The Party?  As I thought of this I came to the conclusion that maybe the people around him have just lost all of their humanity. Maybe they don't question because they are so brainwashed and oppressed that questioning their surroundings doesn't even pop in their brains anymore. That made me really think about what happens to your way of thinking after you have lost all your humanity and control over your own thoughts and feelings. I would like to think that I would be a lot like Winston If I was a character in 1984. I would like to think I would be against the Party and Big Brother. But sadly I think I would be like everyone around him. I think that after I lost my humanity I would just give in and follow everyone else. Without humanity what are you? Nothing, you're nothing with out you're humanity.

Blog Post #14 Week of April 27th

Pages read as of April 29th 3-27


    I've come to scary conclusion that we in some ways are living in the same world that Winston is living in, and it is frightening. As soon as I started reading 1984 I felt a weird connection to our world. The way that they are listened to threw there phones and watched threw there TV's is what the government does now. It's just so weird and freaky that the author predicted in a fictional book what the government would be doing in the future. There was a point in chapter one that reminded me of the reality show "Big Brother" (ironically enough) were Winston was talking about how during the two minutes of hate he  kinda of idolizes Big Brother because he is so brainwashed in the moment. It reminded me of the reality show because I personally HATE reality shows but for some odd reason I am drawn to that show and I can't turn it off.
   After reading the first chapter I have a few questions running through my head:
Why do they use Goldstein during the two minutes of hate? If he is truly despised that much why give him that satisfaction that people are paying attention to him?
What does "the party" actually do? What or where are Eurasia and Eastasia?
And who is watching everyone all the time for big brother? Or is he really watching everyone by himself?
   Thanks to this book I question our lovely (sarcasm) government even more than I already did and wonder if one day our world will be one much like where Winston lives.

Blog # 13

         I feel as though the ending to the HandMaid's Tale was anti-climatic. I thought the ending would have been more epic; and honestly it was disappointing. Atwood left us hanging. She didn't explain where they were taking Offred or what they were going to do with her.I hate it when books leave you guessing. Like thats not cool man. Everything in this book could happen in real life and thats really terrifying. I was thinking about how at this very moment the government could freeze every woman in America's bank account and fire us from our jobs. The government controls a lot of our lives and at any given moment they could take over; thats really scary. I wouldn't be able to function in a world like that. It would be a huge risk for me to have kids; both for me and the child. I would be   deemed useless immediately. 

        I kind of understand what Atwood was trying to do by writing the historical notes at the end of the book. I think she wanted to reader to know that Offred made a difference and that no one forgot about the world in which Offred had to endure. I think that the tapes that were found were not diary entrees but she was forced to talk about her experiences and they recorded her. I feel like Atwood was trying to show how Offred helped people understand what it was like to be a HandMaid; what it was like to live in a world like she lived in. Atwood wrote this section to show how strong Offred was and how she helped shape the future.

May the dead rest in peace (blog #12)

     Today was a very bleak day. Three women where hung for their unspecified crimes.The first women was called Ofcharles . She is was an petite , only about 5 feet tall caucasian women; with a very pale complexion. She has a small black mole near her upper her lip, her lips were average size. She had bright blue eyes with very long eyelashes with wavy blond hair. The second women looked to be of Latino decent; she had big brown eyes with a small but visible scar near her left eye. Her hair was dark and very curly. Her lips were quite large. She had a very small nose with a small scar near her left nostril(she might have once had a nose ring). The third woman was also caucasian with brown freckles all over her face; but mostly along her nose and cheeks. She had wide green eyes, a small nose, and pin straight red hair (probably Irish). Her lips were very thin and pale. She was also petite; she looked as though she wasn't even five feet tall. All of these women looked to be around the age range of 25-30 years old. The Irish looking girl seemed to be the youngest. It's so sad that we live in this horrible world where women are hung publicly. I offer my condolences to the family members of theses women. I can't image your pain and grief right now. Please keep all of the women here in your thoughts and prayers.
 

Two diffrent sides of the same story (blog #11)

      As I rolled down the smooth parking lot I saw him come into my view. At last I would meet my hero and inspiration Austin Carlile. He looked at me in utter disgust. Nausea washed over me; how can my hero look at me like I'm some kind of disease? Never the less I went to hug him and he backed away from me. Is there something wrong with me I thought. I tried striking a conversation but he would only reply with one worded answers; after a while we just sat in silence for what seemed like hours. He would never look me in the eye he wouldn't even look in my direction. It was horrible. I left and saw him preform. He walked right by me after his set. How can this man I've looked up to for inspiration be so cruel towards me? He no longer is my hero. If he was on fire in the middle of the road I wouldn't even spit on him to put it out.
    That's not what happen. This is how it went down; as I rolled down the smooth parking lot I saw him come into my view. At last I would meet my hero and inspiration Austin Carlile. He looked at me with loving eyes, eyes I could stare into for hours at a time. He got up and hugged me right away. We laughed and talked for what seemed like hours. The whole time he was only looking at me, no one else. When it came time to leave I hugged him once more. His hugs felt so warm and loving. He later caught up with me after his set and promised me we would meet again at a show. He lived up to my expectations. He truly is my hero and inspiration.
   
   

Blog #10 Pages 235-251

Pages 235-251

     These pages really confused me. The commander only took her there for a night? She saw Moira and re-connected with her, but after that night she never saw her again? I mean I understand that all the women there are prostitutes and that it's a club for the men that live in this kinda world. But why did the commander only bring her for one night. He should just leave her there so she can live there. I think it's better than being a HandMaid.
  Something that the commander said reminded me of the new trend among ignorant men called "meninist" which is feminism for men. Yea I know its stupid, because feminism is for equality for everyone men and women. But whatever. The commander said "Women know that instinctively. Why did they buy so many different clothes, in the old days? To trick the men into thinking they were several different woman." It just really bothered me. I couldn't tell if he really believed it or if he was brainwashed into believing it. The commander confuses me constantly I can never tell what he's thinking.

blog #9 Pages 224-234

Pg 224-234

    I noticed that even though Offred was super hesitant about going with the Commander she still did. Even though she didn't even know where they were going. She played along with him. I noticed that after she saw a picture of her daughter she wanted to forget it. I would have thought she would have wanted to remember everything about it,but she didn't.
   Does the commander help every HandMaid that comes to his house? Does Serena Joy know about it and just turns a blind eye? Does he love Offred? Does Nick love Offred? Where is Offred going? I wonder if Offred will be able to survive outside of being a HandMaid. I wonder how this books going to end. I have a feeling it's going to end sad.

Escape Plane Codename:Wall (blog post #8)

     

      Im in the Commander room. It's late and he'e getting tipsy. This is my chance my. I lean over to give him a kiss; while he's distracted by my lips I grab the screw driver on his desk and put it into my sock. For the next few night I do the same thing swiping a couple matches and letter opener. The next day on my daily walk with Ofglen and I tell her about all the objects i've stole from the Commander; I tell her I plan to escape. Ofglen want's in, she wants to escape with me. I agree. We plan to escape exactly one month from today. Our plan is to climb the wall. Once we see whats over the wall and see what's out there we will come back for the other handmaid's that aren't "believers". We will all escape.Over the next few days she to steals objects from her household. She steals some rope and scissors. Im surprised how easy it is to lie and steal.
     I wake up on a very humid August morning realizing today is the day. Today me and Ofglen will escape and find out whats over the wall. By nightfall I will be free. Me and Ofglen go on our walk for the last time; going over our plan one last time. When every one in our houses are asleep we will sneak out. Meeting a few blocks away from the wall. Then together we will walk to the wall and stab anyone that gets in our way. Ofglen will the take her rope and climb over the wall. Then after she is over the wall I will climb over. We say our good byes and go back to our homes one last time.
    I've never been so nervous in my entire life; or it least I can't remember being this nervous. I've been waiting for Ofglen for what feels like hours, but I know it's only been a few minutes. Once she gets here I giver her the Commanders screw driver to use as a weapon. As we approach the wall we see about four angles just patrolling. I talk two and Ofglen takes two. Stabbing them hard in the neck before they have time to react. All of the sudden I hear a gunshot in the distance, I turn around and in a split second I hear Ofglen gasp and fall to the ground. She was shot.
    I grab her rope and run as fast as I can towards the wall. I will not die here. I will not die in this horrible place. I hear it before it enters my body. A bullet. Then for a moment I feel nothing, I'm calm. All of a sudden a rush of excruciating pain rushes to the middle of my back as I to fall to the ground with a big thump. And like that my escape plan was over
   
   

Latin's No Joke..Well Only Sometimes (blog #7)

• When Offred learns the meaning of the Latin phrase in her cupboard, what else does she learn? As readers, how do you feel about these moments of revelation? Are you shocked? Disappointed? Excited? Something else

"Don't let the bastards grind you down."
       Autumn said that she thought that Offred was staring at this mysterious quote for so long wondering what it means,wondering what it says. When you see something in another language that you know nothing about you tend to think that it's a super inspiring; when in reality it can mean like "the dog went for a walk." She was so disappointed because it was just some joke. It wasn't anything that could help her.
      Liz said that she was just so disappointed. But that the more that Liz thought about it the quote was a reflection of Offred. The quote described her. "she's not human but she's human"
     I think she was just crushed that it was a joke and not this huge clue about the handmaid before her or about the society that she is forced to live in. She thought it could help her escape of live in this world better. She expected it to be so much more insightful than "Don't let the bastards grind you down." Like Autumn said when you see something in another language you question it. Since it was in her room she was constantly staring at it, wondering about it, hoping it was something amazing. When it wasn't she was crushed. Her hope was a joke in a sense. Maybe she relized right then that everything she prayed and hoped for was a joke. That their really wasn't any point to anything anymore.
       The only thing that I could think of that would help me more in class would be whole class discussions. Getting everyones opinion and point of view about the book, helps me form my own opinion better.

Most Characters Are Great, But Theirs Always An Exception (Blog #5)

Personally Moira is my favorite character in the book so far. I would like to think that if i was ever in a situation like hers i would act like her and escape with and elaborate plan; that I wouldn't stand to be treated like a human incubator. She has so much sass in her and could care less about anyones else opinion of her. She stood up for what she believed in knowing the horrible consequences.
         My least favorite character in the book is the commander. I don't understand the way he works. He's willing to make Offred risk everything so he can play scrabble and steal a kiss. Why? He is just  weird. I can't figure him out or get a feel for him. Sometimes i think he might be an eye but i'm not sure. If he's an eye I wouldn't be surprised. I want to believe in the commander, but something about him makes me not want to trust him. He just seems sneaky.

Praying..I guess that a thing to do in our situation (Blog #6)

Prayers for health- I hope and Pray that (Insert name here) gets healthier and recovers even stronger than before; being able to fulfill their duties once again. I pray that this will be the final time they fall ill. I pray for a quick recovery. 

Prayers for wealth-  I hope and pray that (insert name here) becomes wealthy and that their hard work and sacrifice pay off. I pray that they get the wealth they rightfully deserve. 

Prayers for death-  I hope and pray that (insert name here) rests easy  in the hands of God protecting us all. I pray that they are no longer in any pain. 

Prayers for a birth- I hope and pray that (insert name here) has a smooth delivery ;delivering a health child that will contribute greatly to our world. I pray that the child has a life full of accomplishments. 

Prayers for a sin- I hope and pray that I am forgiven for my sins. I pray that I am rightfully punished for the mistakes I have made. I pray that I will learn from the sin I have committed. 

Is Sanity A Real Thing? (Assignment # 4)

Quotations:

"Maybe the life I think I'm living is a paranoid delusion. Not a hope. I know where I am, and who,  and what day it is. These are tests, and I am sane. Sanity is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money. I save it, so I will have enough, when the time comes." (pg 109)
          This quote spoke to me on a deep level. This describes me in a weird sense. I believe I am a relative sane person. I know what's going on around me, I know who I am and what I stand for. I know myself. Even though Offred in this context is talking about saving up all her sanity so she has it when the time comes to be sane. She's describing how I am with hope. I can't just hope for a huge miracle  all at once. I hope a little at a time, so eventually some day I can put all my hope into one idea. Hope to me is kind of pointless. It either turns out the way you want it to or it doesn't; you hoping does nothing to change the outcome. I used to hope a lot, I believed that hope was real and that it worked. That if you hoped hard enough it would actually come true. But then life happened. Offred is saving her sanity little by little in till she believes in her sanity completely. But is anyone really ever 100% sane? Don't we all have a little crazy inside all of us. I think she is just trying to convince herself that she is sane. Trying to convince herself that she lives in a normal world and that the life she's living is not strange.

No Make Up? I Can Deal With That. (Assignment #3)

        On a pretty much daily basis I wear some type of makeup. Sometimes it's just some eyeliner; but other times when I don't feel as confident with my face it can be a whole face of make up. Covering up all my little imperfections to make me feel perfect, even though no one is truly "Perfect".
I think i could survive with out skin care products such as foundation because I don't use it much but I couldn't survive with out cover up powder or a little liquid eye liner.

        For cover up I would use baby powder and add some bread crumbs that are grinned up so finely like sand for a little more color.
        And for some liquid eye liner I would melt down the cookie part of sandwich cookies into a paste like substance and store it into a little container, for an applicator brush i would steal i fine tip paint brush.

Blog Assignment #2

        Very recently I was faced with a pretty heavy decision regarding my medical care. My doctor wants to try a new IV treatment. The treatment is very harsh and you have to be in the ICU while getting it because it can effect your heart and lungs. This is a last resort kind of treatment, and frankly it's scares me to death. If something goes horribly wrong while getting the Ketamine Infusion I could potentially die. But I can't live like this anymore. The constant gut wrenching joint pain is so bad that it takes me 10 minutes to get the energy and strength to get out of bed in the morning; and that's on a good day. This treatment may give me the chance to be pain free for a little while. The only thing is is that there is a big chance that this treatment won't work and it will have been all for nothing.
       I thought it over for a while. I thought about how I live in constant pain. I thought about how maybe this isn't worth the risk of a medical complication. I thought about how sorry I felt for myself and how unfair it is that this is the life I live. But in the end I can not and I will not let pain control my life; getting this infusion may make me in control of my own life again. So during the first week in April I will be admitted into St.Christophers Hospital For Children threw the ER because health insurance companies are not the nicest people and never want to pay for my medical care like they are supposed to; and I will receive the Ketamine infusion threw my IV for about 3-5 days. And then I will hope like i've never hoped before that for just one day I will control my life not my pain.

Blog Assignment #1

       My name is unique. I don't know of any other Sarina's. It separates me from all the Brittany's and Rachel's out there. My name makes me my own person; my name is my identity in a sense. If I was stripped of my name it would be like taking my identity away from me. It wouldn't set me apart from the rest of the world. I would be generic. I wouldn't be Sarina anymore.


So very judgmental towards everyone.
Angry at the world.
Ready to fight for what she believes in.
Inspiring to do good, even when she doesn't believe in the good.
Never wanna grow up.
Always tired of people